Can completely relate. I think a lot of us drawn to nutrition and dietetics are perfectionists. I've also learned to be quieter and listen - it's been hard and a continued work in progress. You make such a good point about the need to be acknowledge for getting something right. I especially LOVED the Stuart Smalley video!
Every word of this. It's something that I feel gets mostly talked about privately, with trusted friends...or I just work out in silent battle with my inner voices, like you said...but so very affirming to see it written out here. Thank you, thank you.
"…But even that sounds too elegant. What I mean is a mindset of experiencing occasional humiliation, owning up to your mistakes even when it's painful, and being wrong more than you are right. It's not easy, when you are used to being right." I love this so much. I just read "White Women" by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao which talks a LOT about the insidiousness of white women's perfectionism and obsession with being "nice." My work is all about encouraging women to raise their voices and build their platforms on purpose, and as white women, I think that has to mean being willing to speak even when we aren't sure we're right, even when it might not be "nice"...but it's true. (The irony of course is that hardly anyone is ever objectively "right"... what does that even mean? There are so many layers and shades of truth and there's always more to learn. It's our ego telling us we're right, that we're so addicted to.... I am, at least.)
You got me with the Stuart Smalley throwback. And how interesting, to see how that concept of wanting to be liked permeates across society as some sort of value to strive for, and not so ironically works conversely against our work to be antiracist. However, there is relief knowing that Stuart Smalley is actually a parody, while of course based on the truth... So we’re back to square 1. Thank you for this post, I have not heard this expression about getting the cookie. Centering the conversation around building equity for our disenfranchised communities, I hope would redirect the feeling of needing praise for the work.
Oh, man, perfectionism. This reminds me of how I once earnestly told my therapist that I couldn't be a perfectionist because I wasn't good enough at anything to be a perfectionist... it was probably good that I was in therapy!
I haven't thought about the connection between that and wanting the cookie for antiracism, which is something I want to think some more about, so thank you for making that point.
Thank you for this! I agree with you and Jocelyn! So many of us in nutrition/dietetics are perfectionists or have that nature. As a white woman I feel guilt too when I notice the need for the cookie, because I don't want this to be about me and somehow shifts when I feel the need to seek validation. I am working hard on the same thing Anjali, of in those moments, staying quiet (and also as a pretty quiet person to begin with). You have a knack for putting a lot of these topics into words that I didn't realize I was feeling.
Can completely relate. I think a lot of us drawn to nutrition and dietetics are perfectionists. I've also learned to be quieter and listen - it's been hard and a continued work in progress. You make such a good point about the need to be acknowledge for getting something right. I especially LOVED the Stuart Smalley video!
Every word of this. It's something that I feel gets mostly talked about privately, with trusted friends...or I just work out in silent battle with my inner voices, like you said...but so very affirming to see it written out here. Thank you, thank you.
Thanks, Dorothy -- love that it resonated.
"…But even that sounds too elegant. What I mean is a mindset of experiencing occasional humiliation, owning up to your mistakes even when it's painful, and being wrong more than you are right. It's not easy, when you are used to being right." I love this so much. I just read "White Women" by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao which talks a LOT about the insidiousness of white women's perfectionism and obsession with being "nice." My work is all about encouraging women to raise their voices and build their platforms on purpose, and as white women, I think that has to mean being willing to speak even when we aren't sure we're right, even when it might not be "nice"...but it's true. (The irony of course is that hardly anyone is ever objectively "right"... what does that even mean? There are so many layers and shades of truth and there's always more to learn. It's our ego telling us we're right, that we're so addicted to.... I am, at least.)
Thanks for the book recommendation -- added it to the list!
You got me with the Stuart Smalley throwback. And how interesting, to see how that concept of wanting to be liked permeates across society as some sort of value to strive for, and not so ironically works conversely against our work to be antiracist. However, there is relief knowing that Stuart Smalley is actually a parody, while of course based on the truth... So we’re back to square 1. Thank you for this post, I have not heard this expression about getting the cookie. Centering the conversation around building equity for our disenfranchised communities, I hope would redirect the feeling of needing praise for the work.
Oh, man, perfectionism. This reminds me of how I once earnestly told my therapist that I couldn't be a perfectionist because I wasn't good enough at anything to be a perfectionist... it was probably good that I was in therapy!
I haven't thought about the connection between that and wanting the cookie for antiracism, which is something I want to think some more about, so thank you for making that point.
Thank you for this! I agree with you and Jocelyn! So many of us in nutrition/dietetics are perfectionists or have that nature. As a white woman I feel guilt too when I notice the need for the cookie, because I don't want this to be about me and somehow shifts when I feel the need to seek validation. I am working hard on the same thing Anjali, of in those moments, staying quiet (and also as a pretty quiet person to begin with). You have a knack for putting a lot of these topics into words that I didn't realize I was feeling.